Foot Fetish???

One of the side effects of the chemo drugs I get is that the nerves of hands and feet get really sensitive to cold. And it's cumulative. So for the past month my toes and feet have been tingling- when they are warm, it's like they are on the verge of going to sleep - when they get cool - it's like the beginning of pins and needles. Cold hurts - so I don't get them cold. I am not complaining - it's just weird to wake in the middle of the night and feel like your toes are in a force field of different feeling. Because they feel different, I am constantly aware of them. I hope that I do not get even more klutzy because of them. It will be interesting to see how long it takes for normal-ness to return. I wonder if this feeling is what diabetics feel when they loose feeling in their feet because of poor circulation. I now have some empathy. I am thankful for feet and aren't those chubby little baby feet adorable?

55 degrees and sunshinny

Today was a wonderful sunshiny day and so warm. We sent the little boys outside to play. Wouldn't you know that the worms were out sunning themselves too?

Carter and Tyler were enchanted with the worms. They took them to the sand pile. They tried to talk me into letting them into the house. They asked for a bucket of water so the worms could go swimming. And finally- they decided that they had to have a worm for each member of their family so Tyler named his worms Mommy- Daddy- Tyler - Christy and Jake. Carter named his worms Mommy- Daddy- McKayla - Bree - Ellie and Carter. Finally when they were ready to come inside, they found a "safe" place for the worms to stay.

Meanwhile the little girls were just having fun in the sand. - notice that Christy took her shoes and socks off- That's the best way to experience sand. Even if you have to wear a jacket!

Carter (in the sand) told me that he was babysitting his worms.

Every Birthday is a Celebration!

For Opa's birthday we had a family ski day up at Bogus. Jessi and James came up from Salt Lake City especially for this event. And because it's a party we had a couple of family friends too. The more the merrier! So in the group ski photo- we took over the run. There is Maddie Burneal, Opa, Jed, Katie & Troy Ball, Hannah Bruneeel and Kristen in the back row. Krew Christensen, Stella, McKayla, Carter, Aspen, Tyler Ball, Hallie and Grace Bruneel in the front group.















This group with Opa is 5 four year olds and a three year old Eli Bruneel, Aspen, Carter, Stella, Tyler and Krew Christensen. Naturally the almost 2 year olds couldn't be left out so they got to play in the snow a little bit too. They loved it. Bree and Christy in Opa's arms. We had lunch and birthday cup cakes and hugs for Opa in the lodge. I won't tell you how old Opa is, but as you can see- he is a young, young grandpa!

I couldn't resist adding a photo of our silly Christy, Bree and Zoe. Zoe is already two, and the others turn two in April. (That's Liv - Zoe's cousin also in the photo) Life is so much fun with these little ones.

This morning in the wee hours as I lay awake, I thought about the day. (That's much more fun than worrying about the bills!) Christy and Bree had been in fine toddler form - live wires, whirlwinds, bancies spreading messes, chaos and laughing all the way. Their mom's were exhausted by early evening after chasing them all day.
I thought about the time right after we got out of the Air- Force and were living in a 2 bedroom duplex in Boise. Jed was 4 and Jessi about 18 months. We had no job, borrowed furniture and I was early pregnant with the twins. One evening, we invited a college classmate of Gil's for dinner. He was single and had just finished dental school. It was a typical dinner with a goofy 4 yr old, a "do it myself" toddler and I'm sure spilled milk and food on the tablecloth. Towards the end of dinner, the friend turned to Gil and said "They're a lot of work" (meaning kids). Gil replied to the effect of: "yes, sometimes it's overwhelming, but until you have children of your own, you can't imagine the joy and happiness and satisfaction a family gives."
I can imagine up in the pre-existance Lucifer says." Oh boy, THIS IS GOING TO BE A LOT OF WORK! I can babysit all these souls so they grow up, but you'll have to give me all your power. It will be a lot of work, but in the end, they'll worship me because I have the power and I won't loose a single soul"
Then Heavenly Father says: "O Son, you can't comprehend the deep joy freely given love brings."
Over the years, Gil and I have been frustrated, overwhelmed, upset and worried about our children. Always, always we have also felt great joy and love for them. Now that they are adults we have great joy still in them. They are so tender with their spouses and children. They are fun to be with. They are great parents and with the grand children our joy has grown.
I am not saying Gil and I experience Heavenly Father's greater joy, but I feel that we are just now beginning to understand the "joys" spoken about in the scriptures. And I was laughing at/with Bree and Christy as they ran pell-mell through the house!
photos: Jed and Jessi - 1979 Pond Street house

Wednesday March 4th: My day
- DIRTY LOUSY ROTTEN FRUSTRATING etc. To begin with, they couldn't get the needle in the port to work. 4 nurses 6-8 sticks. Lying down, sitting up, what ever. Lindsay usually puts the 1 1/2 inch needle in, but she wasn't there today. Must have jinxed it :) So then after an hour of that, they took the needle out and went to talk to the Doctor. Now it's 11:00 - I've been there for 2 hours. My options are: put in a pic line. I asked about stopping chemo now- but with 5 sessions to go--- I WILL NOT do this again in 3 years. In the test trials 12 tx gave the optimal results. I asked about just putting the chemo in a regular IV. NO, the chemo chemicals are too caustic and an IV will not support the infusion pump. I wanted to reschedule for 2 days later and try again but the chemicals were mixed up and I would be charged (boucco bucks) if we didn't use them. I don't have thousands of dollars to waste so I ok'd the pic line. I really didn't want a pic line. What a bother. Naturally they could do it right now - so down to radiology I went. It took about 10 minuets to set up, 5 to wait for the Dr., 5-10 min for the Dr. to do his thing. 5 min for the nurse to suture the pic line and bandage the site and was done. Ready to toodle over to the cancer care center to sit for another 4 hours for the chemo to poison my body. I cried when I got to the car. I really didn't want a pic line. It's so much easier to snag and get infections. They gave me Vet glove to shower with. Lovely red ones that would fit an orangutan. "just put a rubber band on the top when you shower and then after words, wash your arm" No long soaky baths. (which I wasn't having anyway due to the stoma) So I am only supposed to take 2 showers in the next two weeks? I was in the cancer care center for over 6 hours. Next stop: the critical care center for the hook up to the pump. I told her - no sympathy please. I will be fine, just I need some time. She did a great job. Re-did the bandage. Gave me extra supplies and when I left - it was pouring cats and dogs and hail and rain. Lucky I parked in front of the door. So I stopped for french fries on the way home. (comfort food) Now I have on a shirt and sweater and the plastic tube is coming out of my sleeve. How am I going to get my shirt off? The tube is connected to the pump. Lucky me. I like this sweater and now one sleeve will be 10 inches larger than the other.
There must be something good I need to learn from this - like to be grateful they don't have to do surgery to change the port. Or to paraphrase James: It could be worse. I could be sick! I am grateful that in the months this has been going on I haven't had a cold or the flu or thrown up (only once and that was with a headache) I have been lethargic and like a slug - but not sick and I know it's because of all the prayers and love sent my way. Thank you very much! I am grateful for my family and their TLC and protectiveness of me. I am grateful for the miracle of these bodies we have been given and the wonderful way they work. Truly creations of God. I am grateful even for the chemo because its killing all the loose nasties that could turn into cancer tumors and make my life miserable- and except for this grumpiness, I am happy.

Thursday March 5th: The clothes came off just fine. I slept well. Life is good- I just have to watch Jake when I hold him - he wants to chew the tubing.