Angels amoung us

To preface this post I have to tell you about my friend Betty Guerber. Betty must have reminded me of my mother; warm, loveing and always with an encourageing word, always happy to see me. She would stop me and tell me about seeing my kids do something nice, or tell us nice things about us as a family - so you can see why I love her. She was one of our RS presidents. She passed away about 3 years ago. Ok that's who Betty is.

On Monday night I was lying in bed dreading to go to Chemo the next day. It isn't that it's so difficult, it's not. I just didn't want to have to endure a week of feeling fatigue, gassy, bloated, chemically poisened etc. So in other words, I was dreading it. Eventually I fell asleep but at some time in the early hours of the morning- you know when you are not sure if you are dreaming or if you are awake, Betty came and gave me a big hug and told me how much I am loved. I saw her whole being. She looked wonderful. I felt wonderful and all of my fear and trepidation went compleatly away leaving me with peace about going to Chemo that day. I felt like I was being comforted and supported by family and friends beyond the veil. They know what's going on and how I'm feeling.

In Jeffery R. Hollands Oct 2008 conference talk: (which I slept through while in the hospital and just read this morning) The ministry of Angels; he says: " ... God has used angels as His emissaries in conveying love and concern for his children...Usually such beings are not seen. Sometimes they are. But seen or unseen they are always near. Sometimes their assignments are very grand and have significance for the whole world. Sometimes the messages are more private. Occaionally the angelic purpose is to warn. But most often it is to comfort, to provide some form of merciful attention, guidance in difficult times." Elder Holland goes on to talk about earthly angels and ends with this: "May we all believe more readily in, and have more gratitude for, the Lord's promise as contained in one of President Monson's faviorite scripture: "I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left,...my spirit shall be in your [heart] and mine angels round about you to bear you up."D&C 84:88

So Chemo went fine, but the night after wasn't all that wonderful and the infusion flush had some glitches, but I was calm and not stressed over the little things and for that I am thankful for the angels beyond the veil who love and support me, and for the angels here right now who love and support me. Thank you.

The blessing of WHOLENESS

I have been thinking about this post for some time. I even mentioned this in an e-mail to my family because it made such an impact on me. Part 1: On October 9, when I was recovering from the abdominal surgery I woke up with a feeling of "wholeness" It was as though as I moved and stretched my mind knew that my body no longer contained the "evil, nasty cancer" I felt whole. That's the only way I can describe it. I savor the moment and hope to continue to have that sweet feeling of completeness again. Part Two: The oncologist wanted me to have a second CT scan to more completely look over the lungs and other organs for any "masses" that may lurk in the dark. It was a "we don't think there are any other cancers, but just to be sure, lets do this Scan." So I did. (Even when you think everything is fine, it's easy to get into a worried, what if - what if - negative mind set. I really didn't have to fight that battle of the mind.) On October 30th when I went in for the port surgery, the Dr. told me that the scan showed NO DISTAL ABNORMALITIES. Which means no little things growing in the dark. I am very relieved and grateful.

Isn't it wonderful that Heavenly Father doesn't need the technology of science to give us the diagnosis for us? He doesn't have to wait for tests. He knows. He let me know. I can trust Him. I am so grateful for that comfort and peace. Even if there were more to worry over, He would be there and help me through it. I am thankful for His love, His peace, His comfort. I am grateful.

Thankful for Hair

This post is for my sister Barbara. Proof that I am not an invalid sitting in my bed waiting for all my hair to turn completely gray. Actually I did miss my September hair appt, and as Kim predicted my out-growth of gray hair is completly obvious. So what- I still have hair! Someone I love e-mailed that they don't let you dye or perm your hair while in chemo - so before my appointment on Halloween, I need to double check that- then I can decide if I want to go short now, or just let the salt and pepper grow in- Of course, then I would have horizontal stripes of brown hair all around my head and that would look pretty unique too. In the meantime, I AM thankful for hair and eyelashes and eyebrows too!

Family Photos

Since Jessi and James are moving to Utah in two weeks, we decided we had better get our family photo's current, especially since the last photo's were of Jessi's wedding TWO YEARS ago! I am so grateful for Kristen, Carlee, Kim, Jessi and Jed who figured out where when what to wear and got someone terrific to take the photo's. Site: Boise River in Eagle. Kurt took a bunch of candid photos and this one is of Tucker, Carter and Tyler throwing rocks. It was a beautiful evening with the leaves just turning yellow and a patient group working with 14 kids!

Oldest and youngest

This is Gil's mom age (91) getting aquainted with Ellie Jane (1 month) the newest member of our family. Ellie is the 55th great grand child. We are really thankful for the oldest and the youngest members of our family and for the sweet times we have when we can get together.

The Jessi/James Gang

Everyone who asks about our family speaks the truth when they say how lucky we are to have every one living close by. WE ARE SO BLESSED! However, our sweet Jessi and James have accepted jobs in Utah. I can't say they just accepted- Jessi was recruited to come back to Life Flight. They loved her and she loved working for life flight- so when an opportunity came that seemed to fit Jessi to a "T", the person who will be her immediate supervisor moved mountains to make sure Jessi could apply for the job. And Jessi was offered the job. Meanwhile James has been looking for full time employment, so while Jessi was training for the life flight job, he interviewed for a job he had applied for (this was more than coincidence when someone who could interview him was in the store on the day James was there checking it out. They interview on Wednesdays and this was a Monday.) He was offered a job also to start the same day Jessi starts at Life flight. Next my wonderful parents have generously offered them a place to live (and store their stuff) while they build up an apartment deposit and look for a place to live. So while I am truly sad to have Jessi and James move back to Utah, I can appreciate the tender mercies of the Lord to guide them into a situation that will be better for them. And as much as I know James' family would rather have them in Alaska, I am truly grateful that they will be only 5 hours away. Oh Jessi- we will miss you -and Mom must be doing the "Snoopy dance" to have her come back to Ogden.

i am thankful for

I am thankful for:) A husband who will get up and nurture a hurting wife, give her a blessing and take her to the emergency room to get help :) Medical doctors and nurses and technicians who not only know their stuff, but are kind and give warm blankets when you are cold :) A SiL and Daughter who will drop everything to be with me and wait for results from the tests :) for other daughters who take in each others children so I won't be alone, even though I am OUT like a LIGHT :) For Kristen holding my hand as I came out of anesthesia :) for Kurt and Kristen to be there when the Dr. comes to hear the results:) for my sweet grand children who give me hugs and loves and make wonderful cards and pictures for me :) For nurses and CNA's who did their best to make me comfortable and not hurt or throw-up as much :) That i can breathe :) For visitors who brought flowers and cards and sweet voices and love and prayers :) For daughters -and this includes Carlee and Maria who nurture me and see that I get enough rest and pain medicine :) That Jed was available to be there to talk to the Dr. when the pathology results came in :) For Kurt to sacrifice his computer so we could have it in the hospital room :) For chapstick and lotion -thanks Kristen :) For Flowers :) For phone calls & emails :) to be home:) to be able to be off pain meds :) for the morning I woke up feeling whole -I can't explain it- I still have the surgery to heal from, but i felt whole- I could roll to the side with out squinching in pain :) For my sweet family who nurture and take good care of me and are so understanding :) for my husband who helps me take care of the stinky bag and sees to my needs and wants :) and most especially for my Savior who I know has suffered worse than I ever will and who loves me and will help me endure what ever comes next. :) and for all the blessings I can't sit up straight enough to list at this time.